I was never a procrastinator. Until recently, that is. Lateness was so rare for me. Now, I find myself edging closer to deadlines than ever before.
I used to be the guest who arrived ten minutes prior to the time noted on the invitation, the student who handed in assignments the day before they were due, and the friend whose Hallmark greeting card showed up in the mailbox a week before the special day. That is no longer the case.
I still keep a daily ‘To Do’ list, still have a weekly ‘Papers to Tend’ pile, and I still keep important dates marked on a calendar. The difference is that I’ve bumped the daily to weekly, relegated the weekly to monthly, and the Hallmark greetings have become one-line emails sent on the day of the special event.
What happened? I wonder. Could it be that in middle age I have rearranged my priorities? Maybe I’m following the examples of others who seem to be able to get it all done, even if at the last minute. Perhaps I’ve gotten lazy. Am I starting tasks later than usual or just taking longer to complete them? I seem to get distracted easily these days.
Regardless of the reason, for now, this is me. And I don’t like it. I’m no longer early. But I’m not late either. “Just in the nicka” is my life’s new motif. It all gets done, but it’s uncomfortable. My timing seems off.
I observe the cyclicality of the natural world—spring following winter, moon waxing and waning, trees barren then blooming. Outdoor delights dance to the rhythm of Mother Nature’s heartbeat. Within my body, it’s the same—waking follows sleep, cells exfoliate and rejuvenate, open wounds close. When I view everyday occurrences in hindsight, there, too, I see harmony. My fretting about deadlines adds nothing but strife to the experience. It will be done when it is done, regardless.
For as long as we inhabit physical bodies on this earthly plane, there will be some necessity for watching clocks and tending to the linear construct of time. But this cannot be to the exclusion of recognizing the process of Divine Timing, the ordering of events in synchronistic conformity. For now, perhaps my lesson is in learning how to trust that.
I must take action, yes, but I also must release my attempt to control outcomes. In the bigger picture, the more important broader scheme, I am exactly where I need to be in any given moment whether the ‘To Do’ list is checked or not. My timing cannot be but perfect.
Be enlightened! ~ M