I lately have been contemplating the fine line that lies between allowing and wallowing. In fact, there are four lines—they form the letter “w.” How does this one seeming insignificant letter (as compared to let’s say the ever-popular “e” or “t”) distinguish between these two quite common states of being? What difference does that initial “w” make? After much consideration, I have come up with the following explanation.
To allow is a healthy and necessary stage of emotional processing. I must make time for leaning into negative feelings as they arise—whether fear, pain, anger, whatever. They are signals that point the way to my welfare. I must accept the temporary discomfort that carries with it a valuable lesson. When I allow, I am bending toward an experience, giving myself space in which to feel the gamut of my emotions and permitting them to run their course. When I allow, I can move on in time.
Wallowing is when allowing becomes no longer productive. When I cross the line (all four of them) from allowing into wallowing, I hold onto the feelings, rather than let them pass through me. This is fruitless and, in fact, destructive. When I wallow, I am immersed in, covered with. There is a sense of suffocation, of drowning. When I wallow, I remain stuck in emotional mire.
I don’t believe that a clock or a calendar determines the initial “w” in question. In other words, a week at home alone does not equate allowing, and a month under the covers does not necessarily constitute wallowing. So, how can I tell when I’ve crossed those four little lines?
When, even in the midst of my inner turmoil, I know there will be a “payoff” for my pain, that’s allowance. When I see a “wall” of resistance in front of me blocking my way to healing and reconciliation, I know I am wallowing. The “w” is significant after all.
Be enlightened! ~ M
i have to take a look at just what constitutes my payoffs. it is sort of unfair--or would be, if there were such a thing--that if i allow, and go thru whatever is difficult/painful, i generally don't know what the payoff is that is in the Plans.
ReplyDeletefile that one under faith. however, there are definite payoffs in wallowing, and i know ahead of time what they are: pity (ugh--and i once thought that was compassion!), abdication of responsibility (ugh--and i once thought being a victim was attractive and even cool!), safety (ugh--and i once thought being safe in hell was a good thing to be!)........you get the picture.
besides, face it: for every wallow, there is an equal and opposite flight. y'all can play with that one, i just ran out of steam. except to say that there is a road near bradenton that has what i have always thought the most wonderful of all names: Moccasin Wallow Rd.! sounds like a dance: come on, guys, let's all do the moccasin wallow!
(could get interesting...)
so, how's my replaced knee, you ask? getting better every day.i may have to put the boston marathon on hold till next time, but getting better every day. (ah, but how i could wallow...!)
one week left of a month between semesters--i am online jobhunting for online jobs. it seems a rational thing to do.
i just took down my christmas decorations (except the lights, which remain up until april give or take). as i was closing the drawer into which i'd stuffed the garlands and angels and candles and whatnot, i was feeling a bit of meloncholia: i like specialness and decorations and that sort of thing. what a prime example of thinking (barely) inside the box! i can decorate anytime for anything i want to. it doesn't have to be a holiday or anyone else's idea of something celebratory--i can decorate for winter, because i love winter. i can download and print and hang pictures by some artist i love--van gogh week,maybe--i can do whatever i please, or whatever pleases me same difference..........my mind is now reeling with possibilities......here is a possibility that is rapidly becoming probable: within ten minutes i can decorate my desk with a bowl of fresh, hot, buttery popcorn what a concept cya
ReplyDeletenew semester, ok, new year, too--let's make another gratitude list and no, i am not pollyanna and boy! are there ever painful and or sad and or frightening things in my life, but i know the power goes where i focus it, so let's give the angels their due, and send the busy, muttering little practice-demons (read lewis' "the screwtape letters")on their stupid way. not a long list, and not restating the stuff on my last list, which now goes w/o saying ok linda cut to the chase yay on: both my classes this semester, Women in Law, an historical and current look at how the law has affected women and vice versa, and Selected American Writers, which focuses on three american playwrights--tennessee williams, arthur miller, and eugene o'neill wheeee what a line-up! i am also grateful that this course is taught by--you guessed it (yeah, you)--the teacher whom i once feared greatly, and from whom i finally earned an "A"; we were both delighted to share a class once more! also grateful for the current cold snap, which makes me feel crisp and clean and alive and sparkly and good yeah! and grateful for (yes, it is my current thing) that bowl of popcorn (not that one, this one, i use "that" in the sense of defining a type of thing rather than the thing itself so "that" means to look at--what was i saying?) (see? sparkly!) and i am grateful for (what are you laughing at? i AM so too sparkly!)oh, sll right, take 2, sane and solemn: i am grateful for a very long-time (25 years) friend, a very close and dear friend, whom i haven't seen for maybe 2 years, suddenly turning up; i am grateful oh waaay grateful that in a few weeks i will be a teenager--13 years clean and sober is it possible?! i am grateful for the fact that, on this nice cold day i happen to have, for lunch, the perfect cold day mean: cream of tomato soup and a grilled cheese sandwich to dunk; i am grateful that i have enough self-discipline (or pushy angels) to leave this nice place and your warm company and get to studying once more thanks for listening to a rambling linda wheeee
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